Pearls from the
Kislev 5766
Baruch Hashem our son, Meir, is getting married to a wonderful Sephardic
girl from a warm and kindhearted family. We are very excited and exhilarated
in our joy and thankfulness to Hashem. The children’s backgrounds are
so different in so many ways that we never would have expected this kind of
match to be suitable; therefore, it is evident that the match is made in Heaven.
Within many Torah societies, the accepted custom is for the parents to check
every detail, of not only the prospective shiduch but also his/her family
background and lineage, before allowing the children to meet. Is this always
the highest way for parents to select a match for their children? The selection
of Yitzchak’s wife is perhaps the most notable Torah-example of parents
selecting a marriage partner for their child. It is interesting to note that
Avraham’s servant actually gave Rivka the bridal gift of Jewelry before
even asking which family she was from. (See Bereishit 24:23-24) This teaches
us that the selection of the prospective marriage partner should be based
primarily on his/her own good midot rather than who their parents are and
their Yichus, (lineage). Therefore, performing extensive family background
checks before allowing the young couple to meet may be counterproductive and
over-controlling, as we sometimes see that the true zivug comes from a completely
unexpected family background.
“There are many thoughts in man’s mind, but Hashem’s decision
will prevail.” (Mishley 19:21) In addition, a close reading of the text
of Bereishit, chapter 24 reveals that Avraham did not explicitly state that
Yitzchak’s prospective bride had to be from his own family. (See Meshech
Chachma 24:4) He only asked his servant to seek a bride for Yitzchak from
Avraham’s country and birthplace because he knew that people there had
good midot. From this, we learn that we may search for a marriage partner
in specific places where people are most likely to possess the good qualities
that we are seeking. This principle includes looking for a girl from a certain
midrasha that is known to be compatible with the way of a certain Yeshiva.
However, the fact that Eliezer gave the bridal gift before checking out anything
about Rivka’s family strongly indicates that family lineage is absolutely
not a prerequisite for seeking a suitable match for one’s children.
There certainly is room for differences in how much and in which way parents
should get involved in selecting suitable marriage partners for their children.
Everyone needs to find the right balance of what is right for them. Sometimes,
Hashem sends the zivug without any involvement from the parents, as in our
case in which the brother of the Kallah introduced her to our son.
I bless you that Hashem sends you and/or your children your/their true zivug
at the right time in amazing ways that will make your cup overflow with endless
Joy!
With blessings of the Torah & the Land,
Chana Bracha
Pearls from the Wellspring is a monthly email contribution of the students
of Midreshet B’erot Bat Ayin. We encourage you to send your comments
and questions to Rebbetzin Chana Bracha at berot@netvision.net.il
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In this month’s issue:
Article
Lessons from the Land
by B’erot student, Alphabrew
B’erot Staff Member Profile
Getting to Know B’erot “PR Person,” Tiffany Brown
by B'erot student, Pamela Moteles
Improvisational Writings
I am Yiskah…
By B’erot students
Announcements
Lessons from the Land
By Alphabrew
This year’s group of women is finally settled-in at B’erot; we are
fifteen women ranging in age from our teens to our sixties. Here we are living
together, learning Torah, working this very intense land and expecting nothing
short of a miracle… transformation.
As we work the land, we find that oftentimes it is the land that is working
us. Throughout this process of returning to our perfected and abundant state,
we glean the lessons that Israel has to offer.
Initially, at the end of summer, we discovered a terrain that looked rocky
and dry. There was a small wilty and weedy garden patch with a nursery of
neglected seedlings nearby. This was our starting point. At the same time,
we were assessing the “terrain” of our souls and getting a clear
sense for our personal starting points. What had we cultivated in the previous
year? What do we wish to foster and nourish for the coming year?
Lesson: Both in the land and in our lives, we receive according to what we
cultivate; it’s never too late to change.
We enjoyed a small harvest of pomegranates and some tomatillos; except, the
pomegranates were a bit tart and the tomatillos were a tad dry. Hmm…
whose fault was that? The observation prompted us to make a mental note for
the coming year: More water and more chesed. This was a budding relationship
and the fruit, tithed and blessed, was communicating a clear message to us.
HaShem wants nothing more than to give us all good, but first we must become
willing partners in receiving His bounty. My sense of lack all boiled down
to one thing: selfishness. If I would have watered the garden just one day,
would that fruit have been just a bit sweeter? And would the tomatillos have
been just a drop juicier? …Just one day of watering that never happened.
Lesson: There’s nothing like a harvest to allow us to reflect on the
culmination of all of our actions.
Much to our delight, inside each fruit and flower there were tens, hundreds
and thousands of seeds: opportunities to start over again. Through the seeds
hidden within the fruits of our labor, we had the genetic code for a veritable
Gan Eden; and like seeds, our many thoughts for the coming year constructed
a possible plan for change.
A harvest reflects all those blessed (and sometimes challenging) people, places,
things and situations that we come across in our daily lives. Yet, these physical
manifestations of previous thoughts are there to trigger new thoughts. Just
as we can open a fruit and choose which seeds will go on to the next generation,
we can also analyze our lives and based on what we have created together with
HaShem, we can choose how to improve our thoughts for the sake of a better
future.
With this in mind we all went to work…
Some of us grabbed pickaxes and began chipping away at the earth, loosening
stones and pulling out weeds. The stones were akin to our own negative thoughts—stubborn
obstacles to our spiritual growth. The weeds were similar to our doubts and
fears. If ignored and left unattended, they can take control and dominate
our minds, interfering with and clouding over our hopes and dreams. Yes, every
stone surfaced was a victory and each weed pulled and followed to its source
was a revelation.
Others among us planted seeds inside small trays. The fragile seedlings were
then transplanted to individual pots and finally into the earth. They were
watered every day, though there were times when we forgot to water them and
they wilted helplessly in the harsh sun. The crops were saved, but due to
the inconsistent watering, they became stressed and buggy. What exactly were
we busy with (besides studying)? We were luxuriating in minor arguments and
disagreements, making feeble attempts at getting attention… selfishness,
in general. If we had to survive on our crops we would have starved. These
days, everything is ready-made. If we want to eat, we work, earn money, go
to the store and buy food. There is no process, no ripening… no need
for personal investment or patience.
Lesson: We take way too much for granted these days.
Since winter has begun and most of our plants are conserving their energies
deep into their roots, we have made use of this time to transplant most of
our sage bushes and to start some new ones from cuttings. The tiny new sage
plants appear to be rooting themselves surely enough. They are right next
to our front door so that we are less likely to miss their daily pleas for
water.
The roses are budding and the garden patch is growing. The dark orange earth
is interspersed with rows of leafy greens: broccoli, mustard greens, bok choi
and chard, to name a few; the strawberries are still at rest in the garden
patch beneath some dried leaves; some dark green sunflower stalks have emerged
and are on their way up toward the sun; the fruit trees have dropped most
of their leaves and a tiny square planter is flowing with spearmint near one
of them. Our garden is alive!
We have, as of late, started tithing and eating our mustard greens; but the
winter harvest is useful to us beyond physical nourishment to our bodies.
We have already started to bundle some lavender and sage for burning and we
also plan to make baskets out of palm fronds and lavender cuttings.
Lesson: The Land nourishes us all year long in ways that we have yet to know
of.
The story continues, as our relationship to the Land and to one another deepens.
We are a community of women, supporting each other and sharing our process
in becoming wives, mothers, Torah scholars, givers and peacemakers. Throughout
this journey, the miracle of our garden unfolds and reveals itself to us.
Getting to Know B’erot “PR Person,” Tiffany Brown
By Pamela Moteles
Just as you can’t know a book by its cover (you won’t know the story
until you’ve actually read it) you can’t know a person by her job.
How many times have the faculty members of our universities and schools remained
a mystery to us? They come into work, quietly going about their tasks. They
are the people who file our papers, and take messages from us for the administration;
but they are not the sum of what we know about them.
Take Tiffany Brown, for example: she comes in once a week to work in the office
at B’erot. We see her working on the computer for a few hours before
she slips out of the midrasha just before lunch. None of us knows her very
well.
Though Tiffany was raised as an average American girl, her background is anything
but average. Her mother is a Yemenite-Israeli woman who left Israel because,
at the time, Israeli society severely discriminated against Yemenites. Culturally
secular, Tiffany’s family celebrates life cycle events and holidays in
an Orthodox Jewish way.
Tiffany became convinced to explore Judaism after having an enriching year
abroad at Hebrew University. Her roommate there was a young woman who’d
grown up in an observant home; she’d spend her childhood attending religious
day schools, and though she was no longer observant herself, her Jewish knowledge
was impressive. When Tiffany realized that her roommate was the only young
Jewish person, outside of her relatives, that she had ever known, it dawned
on her just how far she was from Judaism. She felt as though she’d been
deprived of her heritage.
Hillel arranged for students from the Conservative Yeshiva to spend time with
the undergraduates, studying any Jewish subject they wished. It was then that
she discovered what was already written in her heart: Torah is right and true.
Returning to San Francisco State University in 1999, Tiffany finished her
B.A. in International Relations and there she met her husband in a Jewish
Studies class. In February 2001, she started working for the Hagshama Department
of the World Zionist Organization. She began informing the public about Zionism
and Jewish identity shortly after certain groups renewed their hostilities
against Israel. Tiffany learned more about what it truly means to be a part
of Am Yisrael than from any other experience she had ever had.
Although living out her birthright was natural for Tiffany, her transition
from secular to observant has not been accepted easily by her parents. Her
mother worried that she would abandon her family: she’d been concerned
by stories of Ba’alei Teshuvah who turned their backs on their secular
relatives. Her father, an atheist, could not understand her decision to practice
any religion. Rather than arguing with them, Tiffany realized that their knowledge
of Judaism was incomplete, and rather than becoming defensive, she approached
each parent with compassion. To her mother, she conveyed that she wanted to
continue to have a relationship with her family; and to her father, she said
that as she respected his choices of belief she hoped that he would respect
hers, even though he couldn’t understand them.
So far, Tiffany is succeeded in her approach, as she continues to foster the
love and support of her parents. Furthermore, Tiffany has been blessed with
a husband and son. Her family lives a rewarding life in Eretz Yisrael, following
the path that HASHEM set out for all members of Am Yisrael.
I am Yiskah…
By B’erot Students (Based on Creative exercise in Women in Tanac”h)
I am Yiskah. I see with ruach hakodesh and I am beautiful because HaShem gave
me this great soul which is on such a high level. I’m also beautiful
‘cause I don’t have wrinkles, yet.
I am Yiskah. I see with ruach hakodesh and I am beautiful because of the beauty
I see in others. …because the spark of HaShem flows into me and emanates
from my every pore …because of the joy that seeing the will of HaShem
and the presence of HaShem in everything and everyone gives to me shines from
my eyes.
I am Yiskah. I see with ruach hakodesh and I am beautiful because I am happy.
When a woman is happy, she is beautiful. I am beautiful because I see beauty
in all of creation. To see all as a unified whole is to see the perfection
and beauty in everything and to be a part of it.
Announcements
Mazal tov to Mordechai Meir son of Rav Mechael and Chana Bracha Siegelbaum
on his engagement to Na’ama Rachel Magzimof.