Life Lessons from Rebbetzin’s Heart – Parashat Vayetze

Sisters are Called to Bridge the Schisms of the World

In last week’s parasha we discussed the reconciliation between the two brothers, Ya’acov and Esav, whose hatred toward Ya’acov is eternal. This week highlights the even deeper relationship between the sisters Rachel and Leah. The foundation of the Jewish people is rooted in perfecting relationships between brothers and sisters. Parallel to the birth of the tribes of Israel, the Torah depicts the love and self-sacrifice between their mothers. Likewise, the rebirth of the tribes during the final redemption depends on rectifying our relationships and repairing the fragmentation of our people.

I thank Hashem for the most wonderful sister in the world, whom I deeply treasure. In some ways, I feel even closer to her than to my own husband. Since we grew up together as the branches of the same tree, we know each other so deeply. Over the years, we have been the greatest support for one another through thick and thin. We both admire and respect each other greatly and are able to mutually learn and grow from one another. My relationship with my sister is everything to me. I would move mountains for her and change myself 180 degrees. The relationship with my sister as two equals is especially important to me since in my role as mentor and teacher, most of my relationships are with women who come to me for help and guidance. Therefore, it is essential for me to have an equal relationship with my sister where we work things out even when we disagree. Like Rachel and Leah, my sister and I are in many ways opposite personalities who complement each other. Whereas I’m more of an outgoing leader type, the wisdom of my sister, which I hold in such great esteem, is more inwardly meditative and reflective. I have a favorite knitted sweater, which I call my Rachel-Leah sweater because half of it was knitted by my sister, and the other half by me. This sweater symbolizes for me the most rectified relationship of sisters enacted by Rachel and Leah who bridged the source of divisiveness in the world – the division between heaven and the earth, between the waters above and the waters below. Rachel and Leah affected each other to the greatest extent. Leah, who originally cried her eyes out in her inner world of prayer, became revealed in the world as the endeared wife of Yisrael and the happy mother of sons, whereas, Rachel the outgoing leader who originally embodied the physical external world, learned to cry internal tears from Leah. These heartfelt tears will ultimately return the exiles to the land, as it states, “Rachel cries for her children…they will return to their boundaries” (Yirmeyahu 31:14-16).

Women are Masters of Relationships
We women are masters of relationship. Connecting to others on the deepest level is most women’s highest aspiration, as sisters, wives and mothers. The spiritual energy created by true loving bonds generates spiritual unifications, which in turn reflect their light on the physical reality within our land. According to Arizal, everything that takes place in the world and especially in connection with the Land of Israel is a reflection of underlying spiritual relationships. Blessings come into the physical world as a result of unifications in the spiritual world. There are endless spiritual relationships interconnected with relationships we experience among ourselves. These relationships are both reflected on a national level within our people, on a personal level as mothers, daughters and sisters and within our marital relationship – a reflection of our relationship with the Divine. Redemption takes place in the merit of the righteous women who strive toward perfection in relationship. This explains how the Jewish women are praised for bringing about the redemption from Egypt. A deeper understanding of the underlying feminine spiritual forces connecting us to the Land of Israel will with Hashem’s help enable us to find our own place in the unfolding of redeeming the Land.

Allowing Your Sister to Change You
The opposing personalities of Rachel and Leah, and their incredible teamwork in overcoming the obstacles of jealousy and competition while each allowing her sister to ultimately change her, gives us the clue to repairing the spiritual root of the rift between the people of Israel and our land. Rachel and Leah in their soul-work and spiritual struggle, allowed themselves to be affected by one another and reverse their natural tendencies “He loved Rachel – the revealed world, but Leah was the hidden world” (Arizal, Sefer Etz Chaim 38:2). Both Rachel and Leah met each other in the middle ground halfway between hidden and revealed. We as women can tap into the tikun of Rachel and Leah in order to rebuild the land of Israel. The greater each partner in the relationship is able to change herself toward the other, the greater the relationship. If you are naturally outgoing, strong and opinionated while your sister is quiet and shy, in a rectified relationship you learn to tune down your own voice and become more reflective and understanding of your sister’s perspective. Likewise, she will learn from her outspoken sister how to articulate her feelings and express herself clearly.

Building the House of Israel through Rectified Relationship
The process of overcoming internal emotional struggle between Rachel and Leah was not easy. Rachel and Leah had very different and opposite natures from the very beginning. Rachel was outgoing, beautiful and strong. She was used to getting her way and having others cater to her needs. Leah was more introverted and eager to please. Through her difficult relationship with her sister Leah, Rachel was able to perfect her nature. In her love for her sister, Rachel overcame her own tendency of jealousy and handed over the secret signs she had with Ya’acov to Leah, thus sacrificing everything that clearly was coming to herself. (Metzudat David, Yirmeyahu 31:15). Rachel hadn’t expected then this situation where she remained barren while her sister enjoyed motherhood and the stronger connection with Ya’acov through her children. This test was harder than she could bare, stretching her beyond the limit, and she succumbed to a tinge of jealousy. When Leah bares one child after the other to Ya’acov, Rachel is overcome by her old jealousy that she seemingly had conquered when she allowed Leah to become Ya’acov’s wife (Bereishit 30:1). Rachel felt that she was on the brink of death unless she too would bear Ya’acov sons (ibid.). However, she was able to do a tikun to the extent that the went to the other extreme by not being jealous even at her maidservant. After being admonished by Ya’acov, she looked into herself and rectified her tinge of jealousy by giving Ya’acov her maidservant Bilha as a wife (Bereishit 30:3-4). The birth of Bilha’s second son Naftali completed this rectification process. This explains the rather obscure exclamation with which Rachel named Naftali.